Atopic Dermatitis and Fatigue

Dear Readers,

So today my atopic dermatitis is swelling again. The red itches are coming out again all over my legs. Very itchy and once I could not resist it, I kept on scratching em.
Once you scratch it, you cannot stop and it will eventually cause bigger area in your skin. Since I have finished all my medicines and unguent, I am pretty suffering today cos of that allergy I have had since high school.

Today is the 22nd day of fasting day, and I have to say today is quite a challenging day for me. I have so many problems on the table and I have to finish it one by one. From losing a house maid, my swelling atopic dermatitis, cough ( and I think it is going to be quite an ugly cough), uncomfotable feeling living in some one else's house, the cleanliness of the house, the loneliness of being by myself tonight, and of course the job loads at the office.

I have to be patient and I keep telling myself that! Cos it is ramadhan time, no matter how ugly the problems are, I need to calm down and cool down my mind. I need to keep thinking positively and believing that every thing happens for a good reason. I believe Allah SWT gives me all these obstacles so I can learn about myself, about others, about living a social life, and also about respecting myself!

I have to say that I am not a very patient woman, but I try to always do every thing perfectly. I tend to rush and feel like losing time when I execute a job.

Anyways, what happened to me last week wednesday I believe was quite a hit for me that I cannot live in a big house just by myself. When I was in Singapore and Japan, every thing was done by me. I had my washing machine, i travel by public buses and trains, I use vacuum cleaner to clean up the floor, have internet in my own room, and that is because the room which is also the house is just a tiny tiny space.
Then starting in 2008 May, I had to live in Surabaya borrowing a quite big house, 2-storey house and every house chore must be done by me. Gosh, Living in this house requires patience. How can I do every thing when there is no vacuum cleaner, washing machine, littering system? I feel so distracted when I see the gutter outside the house. It was like YUCK! you cannot believe it. the gutter was filled with greeny mold stuff, and rubbish, and its bad odour and smell can be smelt from the garden of the house.

Well, I never realized that until the house maid left me. I must do every thing by myself, including throwing away the rubbish to the bin outside the house. Previously the housemaid never threw away the rubbish with the plastic. I could see all scattering rubbish inside the bin and flocked by flies.

Gosh, I wish I could have a small apartment in Indonesia. then I reckon I can live better and feel better. The cleanliness must be much better off too.

If only and if only I could..

So today, I called my previous housemaid if she could come back to accompany me. And maybe if she says yes then I must teach her how to throw away rubbish properly into the bin outside the house.

I know my relationship with this maid is not so well, but I guess with her in the house is making me feel calmed. I have some one to talk to when I need a shoulder. Or even if she is not really connecting with what I am saying, I could have some one to be there, when I am talking to the air. It is still better than not having any one at that big house in Surabaya.

Itchy,
Jasmine